i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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