You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
as a side note pls kill me
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
