I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
