I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
