The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize