for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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