And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
