you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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