is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
