I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
