you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
