some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
