also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
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Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
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They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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