I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
