Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
