i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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