I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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