I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
