mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
