Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
