I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
