just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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