I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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