I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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