She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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