You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
