the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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