Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So vagazzling was a success
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
