I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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