cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
