you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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