I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
