I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize