We're facebook friends in real life
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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