my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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