make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
