ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
