i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
