nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
