At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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