Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Sober January is a disaster.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
