we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Who died my cat blue again?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
