Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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