Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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