If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
