i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
