Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
