I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
