I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just pee around me
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
