That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
