Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
