There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
