i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
