I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
