My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
