I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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