he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
