I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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