someone threw a dead crab at me
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize