I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
