So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
