my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
