New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
