id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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