The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
