he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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